i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
