Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
