Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
