Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
