MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
