He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
