Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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