dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
