Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
