Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
