There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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