I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
