Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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