I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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