If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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