I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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