Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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