We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
