I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
