you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
