can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
