So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
