my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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