How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
