lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
