It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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