I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
