my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
