I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ugly people sure do ruin things
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
