I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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