I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
