I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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