yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
