I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
