He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
