booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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