I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
