thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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