no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
