I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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