why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
