I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bring me that man meat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
