I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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