1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
