since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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