just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
