This is not my ceiling
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
