this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
