guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
