16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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