the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize