you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
