that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
