I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
