She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
