Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
