he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
