Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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