her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
