I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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