so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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