He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
