Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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