I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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