I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
