Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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