Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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