I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
