a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
