"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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