i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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