Cold hands, warm shart.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
