: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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