so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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