Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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