he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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