tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
