i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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