Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
