Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
