I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
