i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
