My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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