she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
