i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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