So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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