my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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