apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
