thus making me awesome and them whores
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
