naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
