We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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