Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
