Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
