My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
