we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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