I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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