broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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