God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
